Learn to Feel Again
by RaydorCakes
Summary: Set at the beginning of season 4. Provenza gives Andy a mysterious book, does it affect his relationship with Sharon? Special thanks to the girls in the Shandy Shippers facebook group for the inspiration :)


_A/N: It's RaydorCakes again, back with another one-shot! Shout out to the amazing girls in the facebook group for sparking this idea, especially Nathalie for the post that started it all. Per usual, I'm not James Duff, and I love feedback!_

_Setting: 4x01 and/or 4x02_

_Told from Flynn's perspective :)_

~oOo~

"Sharon, please." I nearly beg, leaning against the chair across from her desk, "Stroh is still out there, you and Rusty aren't safe."

"Andy," She doesn't look up from her computer screen, "I already have a protective detail, I think we'll be fine."

"If you won't stay with me, then I'll stay with you." I state, squeezing my eyes shut and preparing for the 'Attack of Darth Raydor.'

"Do you _really_ want to fuel the rumor mill?" She asks sarcastically, still fascinated by her computer screen.

"Look, Sharon," I take a deep breath and run a hand through my hair, walking over and leaning against her side of the desk, "I care about you two, I just want to keep you safe. I don't really care what everyone else thinks. You're my friend."

"Thank you, Andy." She looks to me and smiles, gently placing her hand on top of mine, "I'll think about it."

"What is there to think about?" I stand up and gently kiss her cheek before turning to leave, "Why would you turn away someone trying to take care of you?"

"Goodbye, Lieutenant." She waves her hand towards the door and quickly goes back to her computer screen.

~oOo~

"Flynn, come here please." Provenza asks as I close Sharon's office door.

"Yeah."

"What was that? In there? With the Captain?" He asks suspiciously, a note of annoyance in his voice, "And don't even _try_ to lie to me."

"What?" I shrug and throw my hands up in defense, "I was having a conversation with my good friend about the safety of both herself and her son. That's all."

"Ah, yes. Sure." He replies sarcastically, leaning back in his chair and propping his feet up on the desk, "I guess it never occurred to either of you that the blinds were only partially closed, now did it?" _Smug old bastard_.

"Why do you care?" My voice keeps cracking, slowly drawing the attention of Sykes and Sanchez.

"Contrary to popular belief," he lowers his voice to just above a whisper, "I _do_ care about the Captain. She's a good, strong woman Flynn, don't break her heart. She's had it done more than her fair share."

"You think I don't know that Louie?"I sit down next to him, "I don't know what to do. I don't want to mess everything up."

"Ye Gods!" He exclaims and leans back even further in his chair with a sigh, covering his face with his hands, "I _am not_ giving you advice on how to _sleep_ _with the Captain_. You've lost it. Idiots, the both of you."

"I wasn't asking for advice!" I whisper-yell, leaning over and punching him in the arm, "I'm just, I'm a little out of practice."

"I didn't notice." He remarks with an eye roll, "Oh, speak of the Devil, and she shall appear." He smirks, "Don't get too close, you might get burnt."

"Haha. Right." I reply sarcastically, swiveling from the chair and walking across the murder room.

~oOo~

"Andy, take a seat, please." She ushers me through the door and closes it, coming over to sit beside me, "I was thinking..."

"Oh." I can't hide the surprise in my voice. I know I asked her to think, but now I was starting to regret the decision.

She glances down at her hands and then up at me, "I think it would be a good idea if you stayed at my condo with Rusty and me temporarily. Just until Stroh is apprehended."

"Oh. Alright." God, I sound like a high-schooler getting asked to the dance. What is wrong with me?

"Of course, I'll have to run all this by the man of the house," she grins, "but I don't think he'll have a problem with it. As soon as I talk to Rusty I'll talk to the detail and inform them on the change."

"Sharon-"

"Hm?" She cranes her neck to look at me and I swear I see a sparkle in her eyes, even given the current situation.

"Thank you for letting me do this."

"Thank you for doing it." She smiles walks to the other side of her desk, lightly patting my shoulder on her way by, "Would you like to stay while I call Rusty or do you have forms to fill out?"

"Nah, forms are all done." I smile with a shrug as she dials her phone.

~oOo~

"Rusty, honey, it's me." She smiles, pressing the speaker button on her phone and sitting it in the middle of the desk.

"Sharon is everything okay? Are you alright? Did you find Stroh?"

"Rusty I'm fine." She shakes her head, a melancholy grin on her face, "Andy had an idea actually."

"So he's _Andy_ now." He teases and her faces flushes a bright red. I let out a quiet chuckle and she kicks me under the desk.

"Ow!"

"Is he there?"

"Yes." She sighs, placing her head in her hands, "He's here. You're on speaker."

"Hey Kid." I smile at Sharon and reach out, placing a comforting hand on her arm, "Sharon and I were talking and we thought it might be a good idea if I stayed with you guys for a while. Just as a little extra back-up until we catch Stroh."

"If this is your way of hiding your relationship-" he breaks out into a fit of laughter, "it's not working, Lieutenant. You care about Sharon, you're always welcome. Bye."

"That boy." She shakes her head with a lighthearted chuckle, "He's a piece of work. I'm going to call the detail, and if you're _so bored_, you can stay for that too." She grins at me and I wink, trying to recall the exact moment when our relationship had changed, "Hello, this is Captain Sharon Raydor, can I speak to whomever is in charge of my protection detail please?"

I gently pick the pen from her hand and start to draw on her desk calendar as she waits for someone to answer the phone. She smiles at me and shakes her head as a stick figure starts to form.

"Hello, yes, Captain Sharon Raydor from the Major Crimes Division, I have a special request if it's not a bother. Yes. I would like to add Lieutenant Andrew Flynn from my team to the protective detail. Thank you very much. Goodbye."

I look up at her and smile as I put the finishing touches on my artwork, "Not bad, huh?"

"What _is_ it?" She laughs as her phone rings, "Captain Raydor." She reaches out and takes the pen from my hand, removes a notebook from her purse, and starts writing, "Alright, thank you officer, my team and I will be there shortly. Andy, let's go."

~oOo~

"Sharon, please come over here." I urge, looking to the victim on the library floor and back to her, "You need a break. The rest of the team can handle this one. Come on, sit outside with me."

I tenderly place a hand on the small of her back and guide her out of the library, the two of us taking a seat on the large, concrete steps.

"It's Stroh." She sniffles, quickly diverting her eyes, "I can _feel_ it."

I couldn't deny the uncanny resemblance, both Sharon and the victim were in their mid 50's with long auburn hair and emerald green eyes. At a glance, the victim appeared to be about 5'5 or 5'6, and if Sharon ever took those heels off, I'd guess she'd be about that tall too.

"Hey, you don't know that." I force a smile and wrap an arm around her shoulder, pulling her towards me, "Whoever did this, we're going to get them."

"Who else would it be, Andy?" She replies, her voice muffled as she buries her face in my chest, "Stroh is after Rusty. The best way to get to Rusty is to weaken me. That's exactly what he's doing."

"Sharon I'm here for you, you know that, right?" I question, placing a kiss to the top of her head, "If you ever need anything."

"I know." She pulls out and smiles at me, quickly wiping away her tears, "Thank you, let's get back."

"Sharon, not yet." I tighten my grip on her shoulder when she tries to stand, "Take a few minutes and just breathe."

"Andy, I am the Captain of this team and need to act as such." She responds, the authority returning to her voice.

"You and your son are also being targeted by a serial murderer, giver yourself a break." We both stand up and she starts to walk back towards the library entrance. I step in front of her and when she tries to push me out of the way, I wrap my arms around her, trapping her in a hug.

"Andy, what are you doing?!" She exclaims, slightly annoyed at my foolishness, "We are at work!"

"I'm trying to make my friend smile." I reply honestly, "Don't you think I'd do the same thing to Provenza?"

"I know you would." She laughs, "But there isn't a rumor going around that you are in a relationship with Provenza."

"You smiled." I shrug happily and release her, "That's all I was trying to do, I promise. But you're not going back in there."

"Lieutenant." She crosses her arms over her chest and taps her foot on the cement, " I _have_ to."

"No, you _don't_. Stay here. I'll be right back."

"Andy-"

~oOo~

"What did you do now?" Provenza grumbles as I walk back towards the crime scene.

"Nothing. Can you handle things here?"

"Oh." He raises an eyebrow, "So it's not a _what_, it's a _who_."

"Hilarious." I reply, not particularly in the mood for his shenanigans, "Call me if you need anything, not Sharon, understood? This case is too close for her."

"I think I can hold the fort." He replies with a huff, "And Flynn, here."

He throws a book at me and I fumble but manage to catch it, quickly glancing at the cover, "Cute." I shoot sarcastically and quickly leave the library.

~oOo~

"Do you want me to take you home?" I ask as we drive away from the library, "If you still want me as part of the detail, I'll need to stop at my place and pack some stuff."

"Don't take me home." She replies, staring out the window, wandering about her own world, "Don't leave me alone, Andy."

"I won't." I smile sadly and gently take her hand in mine, she flinches at first but soon relaxes, "We'll stop at my apartment then, okay?"

"Mhm." She nods and I see her draw her lips into her mouth to keep herself from crying. Here she was, Darth Raydor, the Wicked Witch, breaking right in front of me.

"It's okay to cry, Sharon." I squeeze her hand as we stop at a red light, watching as the pain wells up in her eyes.

"I'm- I'm not going to cry in front of you."

"I'm not asking you to." I turn on to the road my apartment complex is situated on, "But it is okay if you do. Are you coming inside?"

"Mhm." She nods again, wiping away a tear as I round the car and open her door.

~oOo~

"How long should I pack for?" I call down the hallway once we are both safely inside my apartment.

"It doesn't matter." She replies and I can tell she's standing behind me. My heart catches in my throat, I didn't even hear her walk in, "I have a washer and dryer."

"Alright." I pull my suitcase down from the top of closet and begin throwing clothing into it, not even checking whether or not the articles match, "What are you doing?"

"I'm tired." She sighs as she slips off her shoes and glasses, curling up in my bed, "Wake me up when you're finished."

"Sure thing Sharon." I walk over and pull the quilt over her shoulder and brush a stray lock of hair from her face, kissing her temple, "Sweet dreams."

"I probably won't sleep." She replies monotone, "Just keep packing."

~oOo~

About twenty minutes later and I'm putting the finishing touches on my suitcase. I reach into my pocket for the apartment key when I am reminded of the book Provenza had thrown at me. I shake my head and place it in my suitcase before zipping it up.

"Sharon wake up." I whisper, delicately grazing her cheek with my fingertips, "You want to go home, right?"

"Not yet." She sighs, pulling the blankets tighter around herself, "Andy, would you hold me?"

Honestly? I'm taken aback by her asking this. Sharon Raydor, the follower of rules, asking me to hold her.

"Are, are you sure?"

"Yes." She responds, her voice breaking, "I just want to feel something Andy."

"Hey," I sit own on the bed next to her and run my hand through her hair, "It's going to be alright."

"But what if it's not?" She's on the verge of tears, and now so am I, "Andy, please, hold me."

I lay down next to her and wrap my arms around her waist pulling her close enough that she rests her head on my shoulder and I do the same.

"I'm not going to let anything happen to you two." I close my eyes and breathe her in, soaking in her warmth and presence.

"I can't lose him." She sniffles and drapes her arms over my shoulders, snuggling closer to me.

"And I can't lose you." I say without even thinking. _It's no the right time. But maybe there is no such thing. Idiot_.

"That's no true, Andy." I feel her lightly kiss my shoulder and let out a sigh, "You don't _need_ me."

"Is this what you want?" I ask slightly irritated, "You want me to argue with you so you can feel something, Sharon? You know what? I _can_ lose you, and you _can_ lose Rusty. We just don't _want_ to. You don't want to lose Rusty because he's your son and you love him. I don't want to lose you because you're my friend and I care about you. You need to accept that."

"Andy, I've been numb for so long." She sighs again and places another kiss to my shoulder, "I just stopped feeling. Everything became about rules, about protocol, the difference between right and wrong. Then Rusty came along and changed everything. He brought me back to who I used to be. I laugh and smile, and the though of losing him is terrifying to me. He _is_ my child. Since Stroh escaped I haven't felt anything Andy. Everything is just _happening_. I can't be like that again."

"Then let me help you." A tear slides down my cheek and I pick up my head, gently kissing her ear, "You don't have to be afraid or alone anymore Sharon. I'll always be here for you, and Rusty. Are you ready to go home now?"

"Yeah." She forces a smile before kissing my shoulder one last time, "Thank you."

~oOo~

"Hey Kid, you want dinner?" I ask as Sharon and I enter her condo and walk towards the kitchen.

"Sharon!" Rusty exclaims and runs out of his bedroom, nearly knocking her over with a hug, "I'm so glad you're okay."

"It's nice to see you too, honey." She smiles, hugging him back.

"Well what am I, chopped liver?" I tease, walking over and wrapping my arms around both Sharon and Rusty, "Nice greeting Kid."

"Yeah, hi Lieutenant." He laughs when I don't let go of them.

"Andy, please!" Sharon laughs as she tries to escape my grasp. I let go of Rusty and chase after her instead, grabbing her sides and tickling her, "Rusty, help!" She laughs, trying to squirm away.

"Captain is everything okay?" There's a knock on the door.

"Yes, officer," she laughs, "everything is fine, thank you."

I look to Rusty who immediately bursts out laughing, Sharon just shaking her head and walking back towards the kitchen, "Andy go unpack, I'll make dinner."

"Ah, where?" I ask cautiously, stepping after her and gently spinning her by her elbow, "You don't have a spare room, do you?"

"If you can't control yourself, you can sleep on the floor." She grins, "Now go unpack. The closet is mostly empty, and the smaller dresser is all yours. Dinner will be ready in about half an hour."

"Sure thing." I smile and lean in, gently kissing her lips. She quickly turns away and walks back to the kitchen._ Idiot_.

~oOo~

"So, you're sleeping in Sharon's room?" Rusty teases, propping himself in the doorway and watching me unpack.

"We're not dating." I growl, "Please stop."

"Geez, what's your problem Lieutenant?"

"Nothing. I'm sorry. Just- go do whatever it is you usually do. Sharon will have dinner ready in a little bit."

"Well aren't you fun." He rolls his eyes and walks away.

~oOo~

Once I have my suitcase unpacked, I'm sitting on Sharon's bed, turning the book over in my hands. Dating For Dummies. _Yeah, real cute Provenza_. I chuckle to myself when I hear a knock on the door.

"Come in."

"Dinner's ready." She smiles sadly.

"I'm sorry about earlier." I stand up and walk towards her as she closes the door, knowing we needed to talk.

"Don't apologize. I should be the one apologizing."

"What?" I ask confused. If there's one thing this woman's good at, it's confusing me.

"I- I asked you to hold me so I would feel something and when you kissed me I- I felt something." She admits, looking down at her hands, "And it _scares_ me Andy. It scares me to think that I might be falling for you."

"Do you want me to go?"

"No." She answers and takes a step towards me without looking up, "I don't."

I walk over to my dresser, place the book beneath my clothing, and close the drawer, walking back over to Sharon, "What do you want me to do then?"

"Andy." She bites her bottom lip and wraps her arms around my waist, "I want to _feel_ again."

Before I can even register what is happening her lips crash against mine and she starts running her hands up my back. I cup her face with my hands and deepen the kiss, I can taste she was drinking wine but I could care less. I wanted to be with her, and here she was, in my arms.

"What about dinner?" I laugh into her mouth as she kisses me again, "Don't you think the Kid will get a little suspicious?"

"Everyone is _already_ suspicious." She smiles at me, her eyes sparkling with happiness, "Now they'll just have a reason." She laughs and kisses me one last time before turning and walking back towards the kitchen, "Rusty, it's time for dinner!"

I smile to myself and walk back to the dresser, opening the drawer and picking up the book, "Hey Rusty!"

"What's up?"

"Sorry for snapping at you earlier." I frown, tapping the book in my hands.

"What's that?"

"Just a- uh, gift from Provenza." I smirk and hand him the book, watching his reaction as he reads the cover.

"Isn't he hilarious?" He remarks sarcastically.

"Exactly what I said." I chuckle, "Let's go have some dinner."


End file.
